Those of you who know me, realize I’m just an ordinary Joe Lunchpail.
My only involvement in politics is incessant social media posting on controversial issues.
Like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, I plan to use my experience in long-time, highly paid work for partisans to disrupt the Supreme Court justice nomination process.
I’m just a regular, private person, albeit with elite media connections and friends in the U.S. Senate, who wants their story to be heard, on TV, and spread across the national press.
I wish to honor Christine’s struggle to have her story heard, while I strive to make known my own.
Like Christine, I want to preserve my anonymity, which is why I am shopping this story only to the most discrete members of my own party on the Senate Judiciary Committee.
And working with the most trustworthy opposition researchers on my side of the aisle.
I have retained as my lead attorney an activist who serves with various nonprofit NGOs funded by international philanthropist Vladimir Putin.
Let’s call my attorney “Grigori,” for the moment.
All fact inquiries should be directed to Grigori.
I may or may not choose to tell my story publicly, depending on the advice of my personal counselors, and Lindsey Graham’s gut sense of whether Joe Biden’s nominee can be counted on to step aside in disgrace without a televised Senate hearing.
My Pain Will Not Be Denied
My story is one of trust abused, deep personal pain, systemic cover-up by powerful institutional interests, and the ugly impact of sexual/class inequity.
And for good measure, let’s just blame “racism.”
The nature of the sexual abuse to which I was subjected is something I will address, should it become necessary, however painful that may prove to me and my loved ones.
To be honest, I am struggling to recover my memories of this traumatic incident, whose specific details will emerge with time, remaining as they do, indelible in the hippocampus.
My memories will doubtless become more specific once the Biden Administration releases the nominee’s name.
At this point, I am only comfortable in revealing that the sexual conduct to which I was subjected against my will took place in the early 1980s, during a summer social event, which included members of elite boys and/or girls academies located in a major urban area in the continental United States.
Unless it took place in the mid-’80s.
I ask you to be patient with my therapist and with me.
We are confident that more details will reoccur to me in subsequent news cycles.
Don’t Be the Next Leland Kyser
I have old friends and schoolmates who may or may not have been present for the attack, and might remember that I made an “outcry” declaration at the time.
I look forward to reconnecting with these beloved long-time acquaintances who share my political goals, to confirm their recollections of who did what to me when.
I will be reaching out soon to these long-lost soulmates, either personally or via members of my staff. Remembering the personal betrayal which Ms. Ford suffered, and the tragic life consequences for her faithless friend who failed to corroborate her pain, I suggest that those who remember me from the 1980s start getting my story straight.
One strong lingering impression that remains with me is this: I believe that my assailant had a close friend and associate who wrote and published detailed accounts of substance abuse and inappropriate sexual activities during the time period and in the place where my assault occurred.
These accounts may have been in the form of memoirs, underground high school newsletters, or yearbooks.
As my research staff acquires and digests these materials, I feel confident that my internal framework of vivid, traumatic memories will crystallize and prove more relatable.
My assailant’s friend and associate, who may or may not have participated in the assault, had better be ready to testify under oath if he or she knows what’s good for them.
Lawyers, Start Hitting the Sawdust Trail
It may emerge that the nominee, whoever he or she may be, is plausibly guilty of other sexual assaults committed against dozens of other vulnerable young people in that same urban area and time period.
I trust that entrepreneurial attorneys are already canvassing potential victims as you read this.
Faced with the ugly, partisan outcome of Ms. Ford’s plea for accountability we must be prepared to pierce the veil of denial, to sweep away the archaic presumption of innocence, and to interpret brazen, indignant protestations as evidence of deep-seated, repressed remorse.
Based on my personal interactions with this nominee, I can promise you that he or she has enjoyed racial, sexual, or financial privilege for decades, and brings with it the expectation that past abuse can be buried or swept away.
We must not let that happen again.
If not for my sake, then for Christine’s, or Anita Hill’s, can we at least unite as a nation to get it right this time?
